In Response to a Deaf Friend's Opinion 5/2018


Having implanted Katie later (8 years old), after having made connections in the Deaf community, I got a lot of "feedback."  This is my "redacted" response to some of that.

For me, it isn’t black and white, choosing “technology” or “ASL” are not mutually exclusive choices.  I have a strong desire to tear down the wall that puts me and by extension my daughter distinctly on the other team because we chose technology.  I never viewed it as an “either or” choice. 

I am hopeful that Katie will be the last generation to have strong opinions, meaning the concept of everyone in two distinct corners will lessen.  Some of what makes this so loaded is the bad experiences many Deaf had growing up, some of which was due to the very distinct camps.  This mentality of once you make your choice it is permanent, only perpetuates the problem.  If you forgo a cochlear for your child, the window of opportunity closes after about 5.  If you do get your child implanted, you will forever be branded, judged, and criticized for it.  If you don’t have thick skin, you tuck yourself into the technology corner and never look back, even if it isn’t going well. Rarely are any other choices you make in life so divisive.

My general belief is different.  I believe that more open dialogue and respectful acceptance of people’s choices, the more good information becomes readily available.  I also believe we will find well-adjusted kids in the future who may have had or still have tech, but live as happy Deaf adults fluent in ASL.  As a parent, I have come in contact with Deaf adults with technology that grew up hating the tech or perhaps more accurately the oppressive culture that went hand and hand with tech. It’s an important distinction.

For the sake of argument, imagine a case where a child is implanted and isn’t doing well (emotionally or technically), but the hearing parent can’t find enough support to change course?  Or is too invested to change course, in this divisive culture? The cycle repeats itself over and over.

I believe more acceptance will lead to better outcomes for Deaf kids.  I think if there weren’t such strong emotions in both corners forcing vulnerable parents to filter through all the bad information on both sides, parents with access to better information will make better choices.  I do think  by the time Katie’s generation is grown, people will see more cases of successful ASL using Deaf adults, regardless of whether they used tech or not.  People who aren’t necessarily negative about tech, but pro ASL; one can be a better fit, without the other having been damaging.  I do think you will see people choose to forgo technology, not because of scare tactics, but because they have all the information and good support. 
 
I met a woman with a Deaf child under one.  When I met her she was already down the road on her decision to implant.  She was already getting plenty of negative messages about her decision.  Instead, I focused on the benefits of ASL, early language acquisition, I signed with her baby, who was clearly very visually focused.  In my mind, that child was clearly a child that is wired for ASL.  I encouraged this woman to start signing, to sign up for a Deaf mentor, and show up for ASL classes… but at every turn she was dealing with negative feedback from others, including ASL class.  Her daughter was ultimately implanted; she is still very visually focused, and always gravitates to the person signing near her.  Last time I saw them she raised her arms to be picked up by an interpreter friend who was signing the most fluently (Coda).  In my eyes the door is still open for this little girl, from what I have gathered from many others’ perspective this child is lost to technology, and an unfulfilled life.

I am going to try to take some of the emotion out of this by explaining my perspective by drawing an analogy.
 
I am a choice advocate, but after years of fertility treatments, tens of thousands of dollars spent trying to have a child, my view of abortion is colored by my experience.  If my goal were to stop people from getting abortions, I wouldn’t focus on telling people all the complications that have happened during abortion procedures.  I wouldn’t show pictures of aborted fetuses, I would empathize, offer support and help them see the availability and benefits of other alternatives. Perhaps invite them to spend time with my adopted children.  If they chose abortion, I would be supportive.  At some point, some of those that choose abortion may later have some regret, they then become great allies, allies with an important perspective/story that haven’t been alienated.  

I happen to think I am a great Deaf ally, why because I have access to parents on the technology tract.  I have relevance to them because I have made the decision to implant.  I am not talking to them about dangers of surgery, because that is relatively rare and well documented for them already. I want to keep my credibility intact.   I am however pointing out that we are in the “wildly successful” Cochlear category in terms of speech recognition, yet Katie is a Deaf child, with ASL as her primary language.  I can deliver a message of the importance of ASL, even present a cautionary tale of how not every Deaf kid processes information orally/aurally.

In the end, if your view is all or nothing, statistics would suggest you are losing the battle.  If your interest is in developing happy, healthy, successful Deaf adults that have a strong connection to their natural language and culture, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

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